Monday, December 30, 2019
Diary of a Kenyan Atheist: RELIGION, THE NOBLEST OF LIES
Diary of a Kenyan Atheist: RELIGION, THE NOBLEST OF LIES: Hello readers!! Welcome back to the wonderful, weird mind of your friendly neighborhood atheist. As usual I have been spending my time in ...
RELIGION, THE NOBLEST OF LIES
Hello readers!!
Welcome back to the wonderful, weird mind of your friendly neighborhood atheist. As usual I have been spending my time in the crevices of the information superhighway trying to figure out the important questions in life; and I have found the answer! It is definitive, beer is the best alcohol out their bar NONE!
However, on the less important matters of the meaning of life, God(s) and religions, my ideas are still somewhat murky and unknown. For those of you who don't already know me, and somehow didn't read the title of my blog; I am an atheist. I do not believe in God(s). However, despite my entirely convincing arguments and depth of wit... religions continue to thrive.
This is one of the primary questions that prompts me to continue to traverse the internet in search of so-called knowledge. One of the most common arguments I have found for both the existence of religions and justification for their goodness is the concept of "The Noble Lie" (I know philosophers come up with the weirdest names for their thoughts).
The ancient blogger Plato is credited as one of the first people to detail this argument, although for him, the argument was more of a political nature. He believed, that certain myths, though untrue could serve an essential purpose in driving societal unity and development. In his famous work "The Republic" he breaks it down as such;
My own interpretation of this is that a myth though untrue, that helps people accept their children as they are (maybe even those born out of wedlock), then society would be better as a whole than if the society followed only the truth.
This argument is not limited to philosophy; I personally have had this argument in different forms in different settings and by a variety of people. If it is true, then it would mean that individuals are so foolish or self centered that if it were not for religions, society would break down, or at least not function as well.
Freidrich Nietzsche, famously worried about this problem in his seminal work, Thus Spake Zarathustra;
In this instance, Nietzsche felt that with the intellectual revolution, beliefs and myths will die out to be replaced by pure logic, but then "Must we not ourselves become Gods?"; must we not evolve some higher morality create our own commandments. Or alternatively, if we stay human we are doomed.
Indeed, I would think that the "Noble Lie" was an essential part of societal history; some of the greatest events of human history were driven by religious ideals. Religion, if a lie, gave us great governments, wars, architecture, stability and such.
However, this lie, being a lie can only be justified if it is, on the whole beneficial. Is it necessary today to have religion as a noble lie?
This is a difficult question for me, and I can't say my mind is made up one way or the other, but I can say this; at least in the modern world, several countries have shown that you can have stable, prosperous and moral societies WITHOUT the belief in God. China, the best performing large economy in history, is officially an atheist country. The Scandinavian countries, widely heralded as providing the best standards of living for their citizens are highly irreligious and many identify as atheists.
It remains, do we need a noble lie now?
For me, I think in some instances it is warranted....
Welcome back to the wonderful, weird mind of your friendly neighborhood atheist. As usual I have been spending my time in the crevices of the information superhighway trying to figure out the important questions in life; and I have found the answer! It is definitive, beer is the best alcohol out their bar NONE!
However, on the less important matters of the meaning of life, God(s) and religions, my ideas are still somewhat murky and unknown. For those of you who don't already know me, and somehow didn't read the title of my blog; I am an atheist. I do not believe in God(s). However, despite my entirely convincing arguments and depth of wit... religions continue to thrive.
This is one of the primary questions that prompts me to continue to traverse the internet in search of so-called knowledge. One of the most common arguments I have found for both the existence of religions and justification for their goodness is the concept of "The Noble Lie" (I know philosophers come up with the weirdest names for their thoughts).
...the earth, as being their mother, delivered them, and now, as if their land were their mother and their nurse, they ought to take thought for her and defend her against any attack, and regard the other citizens as their brothers and children of the self-same earth...While all of you, in the city, are brothers, we will say in our tale, yet god, in fashioning those of you who are fitted to hold rule, mingled gold in their generation, for which reason they are the most precious—but in the helpers, silver, and iron and brass in the farmers and other craftsmen. And, as you are all akin, though for the most part you will breed after your kinds, it may sometimes happen that a golden father would beget a silver son, and that a golden offspring would come from a silver sire, and that the rest would, in like manner, be born of one another. So that the first and chief injunction that the god lays upon the rulers is that of nothing else are they to be such careful guardians, and so intently observant as of the intermixture of these metals in the souls of their offspring, and if sons are born to them with an infusion of brass or iron they shall by no means give way to pity in their treatment of them, but shall assign to each the status due to his nature and thrust them out among the artisans or the farmers. And again, if from these there is born a son with unexpected gold or silver in his composition they shall honor such and bid them go up higher, some to the office of guardian, some to the assistanceship, alleging that there is an oracle that the city shall then be overthrown when the man of iron or brass is its guardian
My own interpretation of this is that a myth though untrue, that helps people accept their children as they are (maybe even those born out of wedlock), then society would be better as a whole than if the society followed only the truth.
This argument is not limited to philosophy; I personally have had this argument in different forms in different settings and by a variety of people. If it is true, then it would mean that individuals are so foolish or self centered that if it were not for religions, society would break down, or at least not function as well.
Freidrich Nietzsche, famously worried about this problem in his seminal work, Thus Spake Zarathustra;
God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it?
In this instance, Nietzsche felt that with the intellectual revolution, beliefs and myths will die out to be replaced by pure logic, but then "Must we not ourselves become Gods?"; must we not evolve some higher morality create our own commandments. Or alternatively, if we stay human we are doomed.
Indeed, I would think that the "Noble Lie" was an essential part of societal history; some of the greatest events of human history were driven by religious ideals. Religion, if a lie, gave us great governments, wars, architecture, stability and such.
However, this lie, being a lie can only be justified if it is, on the whole beneficial. Is it necessary today to have religion as a noble lie?
This is a difficult question for me, and I can't say my mind is made up one way or the other, but I can say this; at least in the modern world, several countries have shown that you can have stable, prosperous and moral societies WITHOUT the belief in God. China, the best performing large economy in history, is officially an atheist country. The Scandinavian countries, widely heralded as providing the best standards of living for their citizens are highly irreligious and many identify as atheists.
It remains, do we need a noble lie now?
For me, I think in some instances it is warranted....
Thursday, June 4, 2015
THE RELIGION OF FOOTBALL
Most, if not all atheists at one point or another have heard the phrase "you have to believe in something"; and dismissed this as an ignorant statement devoid of any truth. I can say I have been guilty of the same several times; and it was only recently that an innocuous statement by a more-than-tipsy friend of mine led me to rethink this position.
My friend and I were as per ritual, witnessing the serial disappointment that is post Ferguson Manchester United, (bear with me non football fans the references don't get too footbally); and he pointed out that when the fans sing "Glory Glory Man UNIIITED!!!!", he felt exactly as he did as a child in church during the more passionate praise and worship sessions. Although I believe his intention was to remind me that he had actually been to Old Trafford, the hallowed home of our beloved Manchester United, the parallels still stuck.
As I sat to think about it, the similarities grew stark. This delusional following of some foreign system brought upon us by some colonialists; which we have taken, maybe with more fervor than the originators themselves. This description fits both the Church and the English premier league.
So is there a need, somewhere deep in human psychology to believe in something? Am I, a self declared rationalist basically fulfilling my deep religious need through football? Have I made my God football? My religion Manchester United? My messiah Sir Alex Ferguson?
Manchester United has millions of followers around the world, some more fanatic than others. Some who would kill themselves and others in the name of Manchester United (true story). We have anthems that are sung as hymns across the world, people who cry and laugh and get married under United colors. We revere our saints; as they revere St. Paul so do we remember George Best. The league history is our Bible, with a new (EPL) and old testaments.
Like all religions we look up at recently prominent sects as being less genuine, as the Catholics and Anglicans look upon the charismatic 'modern' Christian sects as ingenuous, so do we look down on the Chelsea's and Manchester City's as being plastic, and lacking true followers.
We maintain delusions like all religious people, and like all religions we have the more delusional than others. As the more cultist Christians believe the world is perennially about to end so do the more delusional Liverpool fans believe they will win the league next year.
Just as religions with major faults whose followers seem too overlook, so it is with we football fans. As Christians will gloss over some Father raping young boys or some 'televangelist' exploiting the very poor, so do we look over the faults of our leaders. Did he bite another man in the neck? Naaaah. Did he call his fellow professional a dirty, black cunt? It was a one time thing. Did you bribe top officials for the opportunity to host a World Cup to enrich a small clique of people? Well football has blessed him (see what I did there?).
The similarities go on and on and on. I concluded that football is a religion;
1. It is an irrational set of beliefs, (my club is better than yours, is the bestest ever),
2.Supported by a large number of people, mostly from poorer backgrounds,
3.Very few people get very wealthy off it while the majority spend a larger part of their income and believe more than the elite,
4.There are extremists who cause violence and mayhem based on what is in theory a uniting and loving endeavor,
5.There is a heavy use of symbols, congregation, camaraderie, music and idol worship to create allegiance,
6.Switching clubs/religions, even where valid reasons are available is considered the height of treachery.
Football definitely is a religion; so i will choose to mutilate a Marx quote as my conclusion,
"every man must believe in something, I believe Manchester United will win the league next season!"
Thursday, October 9, 2014
ARE WE KENYANS?
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie strikes at the heart of tribalism when her character in the award winning novel , Half a yellow Sun, declares,
“I am Nigerian because a white man created Nigeria and gave me that identity. I am black because the white man constructed black to be as different as possible from his white. But I was Igbo before the white man came."
The events of the 2007 post election crisis brought the deep philosophical tribulations of a ficttional Nigerian man much closer home. Suddenly we are made aware that our 'Kenyaness' is an illusion, when sh*t hits the fan, we fall back into our tribal nations, we evoke great systems of warrior youth long thought lost to raid murder on our fellow citizens. We are all Kikuyu, Luo, Nandi, Marakwet and what have you.
Our politics is a game of nation against nation, the two most political nations and their affiliates fight for cheiftancy. The Kikuyu nation emerging paramount mostly because of a great majority and accumulation of a wealthy elite. We see their leaders passing on 'national chieftancy' to their respective sons either by fault or design; Oginga to Raila, Kenyatta to Uhuru, Moses to Musalia and so forth.
Some would advocate that we ignore our various ethnicities and forge a new country based on patriotism, but where do we get this patriotism? its is not some national switch to be turned on. We did not have the favor of a Nyerere whose vision foresaw this exact scenario, so now ethnicity is at the very heart of our politics, our military, our churches and even our schools. What can we do?
I believe the only solution is to create a larger state than Kenya. I believe the formation of the East African Federation will be the only major event capable of extinguishing the hard held stereotypes that people maintain over other ethnicities. If Kenya, Rwanda, Burundi, Tanzania and Uganda form a union then no single community will have the numbers to support a tribal candidate. Indeed due to the novelty of the system the east African President and according officials are very likely to win a majority.
Your thoughts?
“I am Nigerian because a white man created Nigeria and gave me that identity. I am black because the white man constructed black to be as different as possible from his white. But I was Igbo before the white man came."
The events of the 2007 post election crisis brought the deep philosophical tribulations of a ficttional Nigerian man much closer home. Suddenly we are made aware that our 'Kenyaness' is an illusion, when sh*t hits the fan, we fall back into our tribal nations, we evoke great systems of warrior youth long thought lost to raid murder on our fellow citizens. We are all Kikuyu, Luo, Nandi, Marakwet and what have you.
Our politics is a game of nation against nation, the two most political nations and their affiliates fight for cheiftancy. The Kikuyu nation emerging paramount mostly because of a great majority and accumulation of a wealthy elite. We see their leaders passing on 'national chieftancy' to their respective sons either by fault or design; Oginga to Raila, Kenyatta to Uhuru, Moses to Musalia and so forth.
Some would advocate that we ignore our various ethnicities and forge a new country based on patriotism, but where do we get this patriotism? its is not some national switch to be turned on. We did not have the favor of a Nyerere whose vision foresaw this exact scenario, so now ethnicity is at the very heart of our politics, our military, our churches and even our schools. What can we do?
I believe the only solution is to create a larger state than Kenya. I believe the formation of the East African Federation will be the only major event capable of extinguishing the hard held stereotypes that people maintain over other ethnicities. If Kenya, Rwanda, Burundi, Tanzania and Uganda form a union then no single community will have the numbers to support a tribal candidate. Indeed due to the novelty of the system the east African President and according officials are very likely to win a majority.
Your thoughts?
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
MATARAJIO 2013
Its the 2nd of January actually... felt like its the 4th... happy 2013 everybody!!
Where were we fans???
Last I left were we wafting through amazonian jungles? Were searching with native Inca peoples for the dangerous poachers who hunt the elusive deadly and strikingly beautiful King of the water, the anaconda?
I forget... were we in a deep passionate adventure, with my female followers, with mysterious, sensual journeys of the mind, and the glorious bounty of sex that lies in the core of our imaginations?
Maybe we were enthralling ourselves with imaginative debates on the future of constitutionalism; of the wave of personal information wafting through the internet and its one on one conflict with the so called "right to privacy." Were we fretting over the continuous emerging debate of the Socialization of the world from East to West...
Dear readers, were we looking at the socialization of our own country, a wave of workers unions triumphing over executive and private sector agglutination of power?
Now my hungover is clearing up;
I am starting to remember...
I remember what we were talking about. We were still discussing whether or not we should continue to follow religions created by our oppressors designed to rape and enrich a cruel few. We still argue over whether the dogmas, instilled in our grandparents through the whip and yoke of colonialism, should be discarded with speed.
You feel that disputed literature aging a couple of millenia, that was used by your masters to enslave you, then when slavery ended even they abandoned it, should not only be used by yourselves for your mindless rituals in eating your Christ, but also should guide the public education of our youths and even tile the beauty that is our constitution?
I had hoped in my drunken stupor that Kenyans had abandoned the religions of the foreigners, to reach on the shoulders of the only true giants who will be remembered in all history, the Newtons and Einsteins And Darwins of the world. To discard religion and learn from where our forefathers so desperately failed against the British; Science and Technology.
Hmmmmph... Maybe tommorrow, maybe tomorrow you will open your eyes.
Last I left were we wafting through amazonian jungles? Were searching with native Inca peoples for the dangerous poachers who hunt the elusive deadly and strikingly beautiful King of the water, the anaconda?
I forget... were we in a deep passionate adventure, with my female followers, with mysterious, sensual journeys of the mind, and the glorious bounty of sex that lies in the core of our imaginations?
Maybe we were enthralling ourselves with imaginative debates on the future of constitutionalism; of the wave of personal information wafting through the internet and its one on one conflict with the so called "right to privacy." Were we fretting over the continuous emerging debate of the Socialization of the world from East to West...
Dear readers, were we looking at the socialization of our own country, a wave of workers unions triumphing over executive and private sector agglutination of power?
Now my hungover is clearing up;
I am starting to remember...
I remember what we were talking about. We were still discussing whether or not we should continue to follow religions created by our oppressors designed to rape and enrich a cruel few. We still argue over whether the dogmas, instilled in our grandparents through the whip and yoke of colonialism, should be discarded with speed.
You feel that disputed literature aging a couple of millenia, that was used by your masters to enslave you, then when slavery ended even they abandoned it, should not only be used by yourselves for your mindless rituals in eating your Christ, but also should guide the public education of our youths and even tile the beauty that is our constitution?
I had hoped in my drunken stupor that Kenyans had abandoned the religions of the foreigners, to reach on the shoulders of the only true giants who will be remembered in all history, the Newtons and Einsteins And Darwins of the world. To discard religion and learn from where our forefathers so desperately failed against the British; Science and Technology.
Hmmmmph... Maybe tommorrow, maybe tomorrow you will open your eyes.
Friday, July 20, 2012
PROOF THAT GOD IS STUPID
I had to put up a strong headline to get my fans back!!
Now always it is good to look to the other side... I have decided to plagiarise a plagiarism of proofs of God's existence; most of these I have heard from friends and pastors and the like;
ARGUMENT FROM DESIGN, a.k.a. GOD OF THE GAPS, a.k.a. TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Check out the world/universe/giraffe. Isn’t it complex?
(2) Only God could have made them so complex.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM BEAUTY, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Isn’t that baby/sunset/flower/tree beautiful?
(2) Only God could have made them so beautiful.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (I)
(1) My aunt had cancer.
(2) The doctors gave her all these horrible treatments.
(3) My aunt prayed to God and now she doesn’t have cancer.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
MORAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling, child-molesting, thieving, murdering, bed-wetting bastard.
(2) That all changed once I became religious.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM INTELLIGENCE
(1) Look, there’s really no point in me trying to explain the whole thing to you stupid atheists; it’s too complicated for you to understand. God exists whether you like it or not.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM UNINTELLIGENCE
(1) Okay, I don’t pretend to be as intelligent as you guys — you’re obviously very well read. But I read the Bible, and nothing you say can convince me that God does not exist. I feel him in my heart, and you can feel him too, if you’ll just ask him into your life. “For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son into the world, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish from the earth.” John 3:16.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
(1) God loves you.
(2) How could you be so heartless to not believe in him?
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM
(1) Telling people that God exists makes me filthy rich.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM CROCKERY
(1) Pots don’t go around giving orders to the potter.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM LONELINESS
(1) Christians say that Jesus is their best friend.
(2) I’m lonely, and I want a best friend.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM CREATIVE INTERPRETATION
(1) God is:
(a) The feeling you have when you look at a newborn baby.
(b) The love of a mother for her child.
(c) That little still voice in your heart.
(d) Humankind’s potential to overcome their difficulties.
(e) How I feel when I look at a sunset.
(f) The taste of ice cream on a hot day.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM MUSIC / ART
(1) You like classical music.
(2) Classical composers wrote for God.
(3) [Non-believer points out that they had to compose for the Church or they would have been executed.]
(4) But they wrote for God and you like the music.
(5) Therefore, God Exists.
ARGUMENT FROM FREE WILL (II)
(1) If God gave us evidence of His existence, we wouldn’t have free will to believe in Him.
(2) That would be bad, and we would lose the need for faith.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
DERRYK’S ARGUMENT FROM GOOD TIMES
(1) Times are good.
(2) God must be rewarding me.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
DERRYK’S ARGUMENT FROM BAD TIMES
(1) Times are bad.
(2) God must be testing me.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
Myth of Monogamy
I am at work, chilling; not that I have nothing to do but I am way tired. A bit hungover and with a strange craving for oranges and downing water like a fish (do fish even drink water?).
Anyway while not believing in God I realised that I have not entirely lived up to my blog *understatement*, and decided today I will write something, no matter how boring, bad, drab... I just yawned myself.
Now being a 'diary' and all it seems I have shared very little personal stuff with my millions of fans around the blogosphere; and on the suggestion of a girl I know and want to.... one day (see I can be personal but telling all would seriously hamper my chances to....) I am going to blog about atheist sex/love.
Firstly I would like to make it clear to everyone, boys, girls, men, women and Arsenal fans; its all about sex the shi.. ummm talk about love is all hullabaloo that should be left in Twilight movies and the marketers of dry cut flowers.
Now before all of you Spanish-soap-drenched girls start protesting, and a couple of guys too; what is the end point what is the climax (no pun intended) of so called relationships? There are no relationships out of sex that are romantic; some may try to delude themselves into sex-free relationships but its a ruse they will have sexual contact but just limit themselves to no vaginal-penile action (by Jesus I hope my relatives don't read this!!) but that's for another day.
I want to move to the title determining paragraph; the myth of monogamy.. yeah I said it (In Chris Rock's funny ass rabbit voice)!!! It is a myth like any other myth with full characteristics to match; no one knows the origin, it serves to maintain some quasi-moral societal norm and it actually isn't true (I read somewhere that in Kenya around a third of all children are raised by their non-biological fathers who don't even know the children aren't theirs!).
Now legally a man cannot marry two wives unless he marries them under African customary law, which might be discriminatory to non-Africans who are not allowed to, or under Islamic law. Now the vice versa is unheard of women cannot marry two men (in certain communities women can marry other women but I digress).
If one marries two women under neither of these exceptions he commits the crime of bigamy (and it is he not she!!!); what is the rationale behind this? Is it constitutional? is it a waste of public funds to investigate and prosecute such cases? In the end what is the point? I propose a free system of marriage anything goes... whoever wants two wives or seven, a communal marriage whatever they want goes; why not?
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Who NEXT?
Just read a blog that was as funny as it was poignant, and no I did not thesaurus that word. He said, and I quote as concerns our beloved (sic) President, "... you have erectile dysfunction, not in your penis, but in your head... because you fail to rise to the occasion..".
(http://samsondelui.blogspot.com/2011/08/mr-president.html)
For my more seasoned readers, you already know that the political class and I are not very fond bedfellows, yes they have repeatedly tried to woo me but to no avail. So let me try write a blog about facts and not lace it with all the hatred I share with my blogmate.(... that does sound awfully gayish.)
First the two most officially powerful men in this country;
THE PRESIDENT
The President of this country has done the following in his life;
1. He is the longest serving politician in Kenyan history representing his constituency since independence. needless to say Othaya is nowhere near the best performing constituencies in this country.
2. He was a powerful Minister in both Moi and Kenyatta governments, amassing wealth political clout and not too much goodwill. Mwai Kibaki has an estimated (most conservatively) wealth of around USD 200M (In contrast, Pres. Obama is worth around 12 M USD).
3. He has consistently made decisions against the interest of the people when the interests thereof come into conflict with his political ones. In 1991 as Vice President and the lead Kikuyu in KANU he dismissed Matiba's claim for multi-partism stating memorably that it was "trying to cut down a mugumo tree with a razor blade." Or in 2005 when he replaced the Boma's draft with a more Kibaki flavored constitution.
4. He also is in power today as the result of a flawed election that was clearly rigged and he held on to that power even while thousands of Kenyans were dying.
5. as of now he is the head of a bloated cabinet that is sinking Billions in chauffeured limousines while Kenyans are dying of hunger, as a pointer; in Greece there are protests in the streets as unemployment soars to the dizzying heights of 17% while in Kenya its not even a concern when it is creaking past 45%!!!
6. When Kibaki came into power Kenya's revenue collection stood at Kshs. 150 Billion, donor aid at low levels of around 60-70 Billion a year. Today, Kibaki is commended for raising that to over 600 Billion shillings, that means government is literally making 5 times more than in 2002!! Yet today we cannot feed our people.
THE RIGHT HON. PRIME MINISTER
1. As his counterpart we saw his love for power exceed his love for human life as walipopigana nyasi....
2. He has not been an MP as long as his counterpart principal but his constituency is one of the worst in the country, with a slum so large it is a tourist attraction.
3. Raila also has made enormous amounts of money through dealings he made in the Moi government as Minister for energy, estimates place it at around Kshs. 4 billion in less than a year. These dealings with infamous Al Bakri group and the Right Hon. Prime Minister are classified as "State Secrets."
4. Although with a much better track record for reform than Kibaki, Raila's is still wanting. Having served in parliament since multi party politics started, he has engineered almost no reform mechanisms. He participated little in the drafting of any constitution although his political clout has enabled him hijack such reforms for political gain when they reached climax, circa 2005, circa 2010.
5.He has also been consistent in his disregard for the common mwananchi, being very much a populist he has made alot of idle gestures but never really did anything o help this country, he has participated in the largesse of this cabinet, even maintaining in his docket, Hon. Charity Ngilu whose indictment for corruption by the KACC was only stopped by the sacking of P.L.O and the disbandment of KACC.
6. More interestingly he has one of the poorest attendance records in parliament even prior to being appointed Prime Minister.
The above are facts, and I will not go into the other henchmen, the Uhurus the Rutos even the Martha Karuas and Mutulas who have questionable records themselves.
I have just this suggestion when considering ANYONE for President in 2012, What is their track record?
In politics?
For reform in their constituency?
Their participation in parliament?
Their personal accumulation of wealth from government positions?
In helping the common mwananchi get a better life?
With these questions... who do you think should take over from these two bastards?
(http://samsondelui.blogspot.com/2011/08/mr-president.html)
For my more seasoned readers, you already know that the political class and I are not very fond bedfellows, yes they have repeatedly tried to woo me but to no avail. So let me try write a blog about facts and not lace it with all the hatred I share with my blogmate.(... that does sound awfully gayish.)
First the two most officially powerful men in this country;
THE PRESIDENT
The President of this country has done the following in his life;
1. He is the longest serving politician in Kenyan history representing his constituency since independence. needless to say Othaya is nowhere near the best performing constituencies in this country.
2. He was a powerful Minister in both Moi and Kenyatta governments, amassing wealth political clout and not too much goodwill. Mwai Kibaki has an estimated (most conservatively) wealth of around USD 200M (In contrast, Pres. Obama is worth around 12 M USD).
3. He has consistently made decisions against the interest of the people when the interests thereof come into conflict with his political ones. In 1991 as Vice President and the lead Kikuyu in KANU he dismissed Matiba's claim for multi-partism stating memorably that it was "trying to cut down a mugumo tree with a razor blade." Or in 2005 when he replaced the Boma's draft with a more Kibaki flavored constitution.
4. He also is in power today as the result of a flawed election that was clearly rigged and he held on to that power even while thousands of Kenyans were dying.
5. as of now he is the head of a bloated cabinet that is sinking Billions in chauffeured limousines while Kenyans are dying of hunger, as a pointer; in Greece there are protests in the streets as unemployment soars to the dizzying heights of 17% while in Kenya its not even a concern when it is creaking past 45%!!!
6. When Kibaki came into power Kenya's revenue collection stood at Kshs. 150 Billion, donor aid at low levels of around 60-70 Billion a year. Today, Kibaki is commended for raising that to over 600 Billion shillings, that means government is literally making 5 times more than in 2002!! Yet today we cannot feed our people.
THE RIGHT HON. PRIME MINISTER
1. As his counterpart we saw his love for power exceed his love for human life as walipopigana nyasi....
2. He has not been an MP as long as his counterpart principal but his constituency is one of the worst in the country, with a slum so large it is a tourist attraction.
3. Raila also has made enormous amounts of money through dealings he made in the Moi government as Minister for energy, estimates place it at around Kshs. 4 billion in less than a year. These dealings with infamous Al Bakri group and the Right Hon. Prime Minister are classified as "State Secrets."
4. Although with a much better track record for reform than Kibaki, Raila's is still wanting. Having served in parliament since multi party politics started, he has engineered almost no reform mechanisms. He participated little in the drafting of any constitution although his political clout has enabled him hijack such reforms for political gain when they reached climax, circa 2005, circa 2010.
5.He has also been consistent in his disregard for the common mwananchi, being very much a populist he has made alot of idle gestures but never really did anything o help this country, he has participated in the largesse of this cabinet, even maintaining in his docket, Hon. Charity Ngilu whose indictment for corruption by the KACC was only stopped by the sacking of P.L.O and the disbandment of KACC.
6. More interestingly he has one of the poorest attendance records in parliament even prior to being appointed Prime Minister.
The above are facts, and I will not go into the other henchmen, the Uhurus the Rutos even the Martha Karuas and Mutulas who have questionable records themselves.
I have just this suggestion when considering ANYONE for President in 2012, What is their track record?
In politics?
For reform in their constituency?
Their participation in parliament?
Their personal accumulation of wealth from government positions?
In helping the common mwananchi get a better life?
With these questions... who do you think should take over from these two bastards?
Sunday, March 27, 2011
HOMOSEXUALITY.. . Society, the Law and some funny ass jokes...
Today is as drab a Monday as can be, I have no hangover, no money, no alcohol, no class... nothing, I am about as bored as any 2o something year old campus student can be; so I do what everyone in this generation does, perk up my lifeless self in front of a desktop and let the wonderful world of the world wide web enthrall me.
So I come across this website http://kenyansagainstgays.wordpress.com/ or is it a blog? Not sure, but as far as controversial Kenyan blogs this sure ranks up top competing aptly with the almost-award winning DIARY OF A KENYAN ATHEIST ahem! Cough! Cough!
It is a whole blog dedicated to the bashing of the homosexual, the articles are unrelentingly and disturbingly anti homo, to almost the point of incitement get these quotes...
"...While the practice itself should be shameful in the extreme, it is worse than scandalous that society allows homosexuals to brazenly talk about such psychotic and psychopathic things as ‘same sex marriage’, ‘gay rights’ and ‘gay tolerance’."
"...Homosexuality is a threat to the very survival of humankind. For in this distorted engagement, ‘serenading’ is the end in itself. Homosexual ‘couples’ argue that they can come round the procreation concern through adoption of children or some laboratory abracadabra. The bottom line is the same. To perpetuate life, you need the combined male and female effort. Homosexuality is hostile to this effort..."
My favorite opinion was obviously this... "The difference between two consenting males on the one hand and a consenting human and a dog on the other hand is academic..." although I have no practical idea how the writer ACTUALLY quoted the opinion of the consenting dog or otherwise.
So far you would probably have formed the opinion that I am a gay-sympathizer, brainwashed by the perverts that pervade the land beyond the Atlantic and Mediterranean (thank God for spell check that is one I would never have had!), fed into believing that two men could possibly share love without condemning the whole country to some very effective falling sulphur and brimstone.
There my friends is where you would be wrong.... NOT.
Some of my friends and enemies is gay, not openly so, they have girlfriends and all but I still think they are gay, I will make fun of them for it... heck when they forget to log out of their facebook pages I will post some nasty update just to piss them off.
Being gay however is not wrong, its nasty for me as fuck, (as I would hetero might be nasty for them.. but I am not sure of that), it is very easy to mock, and I am not sure that's wrong since I make fun of short, stupid and ugly people.. and conversely taller and handsomer people (smarter? than me... ha ha ha you kid..) do the same for me but we don't get to tell people who are different that they are wrong.
And here is where I would love your opinions, what makes homosexuality so wrong? Let me try to make a list of some honest arguments here;
The arguments that I have had the most is that it is against nature? WTF? what is nature? The 'natural' way? then why do we wear clothes, cook food, shave hair, have C-sections and artificial fertilization, condoms, planes, kites, space travel? Human 'nature' if there is such a thing is never defined by biology I would have thunk. Most people do not know that homosexuality has been practiced by human beings for millenia, most people also don't know that thousands of species aside from humans have been observed to continuously practice homosexual behaviors;
http://www.news-medical.net/news/2006/10/23/20718.aspx
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_animals_displaying_homosexual_behavior
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/5550488/Homosexual-behaviour-widespread-in-animals-according-to-new-study.html
So it would seem that citing homosexuality as unnatural would be intrinsically flawed.
Another argument I have heard is obviously the religious one (whichever religion you would choose most Abrahamic religions have a pretty good answer of falling fire to whichever man wants to stick a penis up his ass...). All this is well and good but at what point would you impose your personal beliefs on other people, how come adultery is a sin and there is no wide condemnation and penal sanctions against that? The Christian should never have the right to dictate his laws to the Muslim, to the Hindu, atheist, native American Indian or for that matter the atheist. If you think Homo is a sin then pray don't gay bash or lie or criminalize some people's private pleasures (he he 'private pleasures').
So I would love to get your opinions on this matter... I was going to copy paste some funny jokes I googled but UoN has cached all sites with the words 'Gay Joke' in them, I wonder why.... Cheerio
P.S a friend helped me out with a joke...
There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"
The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."
...
The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.
The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?"
The man says, "I found out that my son is gay."
The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.
Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"
The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does."
So I come across this website http://kenyansagainstgays.wordpress.com/ or is it a blog? Not sure, but as far as controversial Kenyan blogs this sure ranks up top competing aptly with the almost-award winning DIARY OF A KENYAN ATHEIST ahem! Cough! Cough!
It is a whole blog dedicated to the bashing of the homosexual, the articles are unrelentingly and disturbingly anti homo, to almost the point of incitement get these quotes...
"...While the practice itself should be shameful in the extreme, it is worse than scandalous that society allows homosexuals to brazenly talk about such psychotic and psychopathic things as ‘same sex marriage’, ‘gay rights’ and ‘gay tolerance’."
"...Homosexuality is a threat to the very survival of humankind. For in this distorted engagement, ‘serenading’ is the end in itself. Homosexual ‘couples’ argue that they can come round the procreation concern through adoption of children or some laboratory abracadabra. The bottom line is the same. To perpetuate life, you need the combined male and female effort. Homosexuality is hostile to this effort..."
My favorite opinion was obviously this... "The difference between two consenting males on the one hand and a consenting human and a dog on the other hand is academic..." although I have no practical idea how the writer ACTUALLY quoted the opinion of the consenting dog or otherwise.
So far you would probably have formed the opinion that I am a gay-sympathizer, brainwashed by the perverts that pervade the land beyond the Atlantic and Mediterranean (thank God for spell check that is one I would never have had!), fed into believing that two men could possibly share love without condemning the whole country to some very effective falling sulphur and brimstone.
There my friends is where you would be wrong.... NOT.
Some of my friends and enemies is gay, not openly so, they have girlfriends and all but I still think they are gay, I will make fun of them for it... heck when they forget to log out of their facebook pages I will post some nasty update just to piss them off.
Being gay however is not wrong, its nasty for me as fuck, (as I would hetero might be nasty for them.. but I am not sure of that), it is very easy to mock, and I am not sure that's wrong since I make fun of short, stupid and ugly people.. and conversely taller and handsomer people (smarter? than me... ha ha ha you kid..) do the same for me but we don't get to tell people who are different that they are wrong.
And here is where I would love your opinions, what makes homosexuality so wrong? Let me try to make a list of some honest arguments here;
The arguments that I have had the most is that it is against nature? WTF? what is nature? The 'natural' way? then why do we wear clothes, cook food, shave hair, have C-sections and artificial fertilization, condoms, planes, kites, space travel? Human 'nature' if there is such a thing is never defined by biology I would have thunk. Most people do not know that homosexuality has been practiced by human beings for millenia, most people also don't know that thousands of species aside from humans have been observed to continuously practice homosexual behaviors;
http://www.news-medical.net/news/2006/10/23/20718.aspx
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_animals_displaying_homosexual_behavior
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/5550488/Homosexual-behaviour-widespread-in-animals-according-to-new-study.html
So it would seem that citing homosexuality as unnatural would be intrinsically flawed.
Another argument I have heard is obviously the religious one (whichever religion you would choose most Abrahamic religions have a pretty good answer of falling fire to whichever man wants to stick a penis up his ass...). All this is well and good but at what point would you impose your personal beliefs on other people, how come adultery is a sin and there is no wide condemnation and penal sanctions against that? The Christian should never have the right to dictate his laws to the Muslim, to the Hindu, atheist, native American Indian or for that matter the atheist. If you think Homo is a sin then pray don't gay bash or lie or criminalize some people's private pleasures (he he 'private pleasures').
So I would love to get your opinions on this matter... I was going to copy paste some funny jokes I googled but UoN has cached all sites with the words 'Gay Joke' in them, I wonder why.... Cheerio
P.S a friend helped me out with a joke...
There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"
The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."
...
The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.
The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?"
The man says, "I found out that my son is gay."
The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.
Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"
The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does."
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Of Jasmines, Porn and Toppling Dictators
The Jasmine revolution is probably the single most un-gayest time in history that the word jasmine has been used in a phrase.... Come to think of it give me a minute I wiki where the hell the name came from.....
So wiki was no help, they just said ".. journalists dubbed it the jasmine revolution", good thing now I know that I am just as uninformed as the average swimmer of the information super swimming pool, but one thing am pretty sure that the Tunisian 20-something-year-old in the streets, is homophobic enough to not shed blood and be branded Jasmine... but I digress (most abused phrase in the blogosphere).
There are things though we should learn from the Tunisians, Egyptians, Yemen(people? Yemenis? Yemenfolk?), Libyans and any other Arab people who will throw on their Jasmine Kanzus and dispose of their despots.
For one, I have some theories on why and how these revolutions are only occurring in the Arab countries. To put it in a word, LIBIDO. Picture this (men only to read the next few paragraphs), you live in a world where you can see no cleavage no ass and no thighs, where the law forbids a woman to show hair, (not in the good way, its not about waxing boys its about 'bui-buis'),porn is illegal and women have curtains for skirts and their fathers mustached faces as their face-book profile pictures.
Where porn is nowhere to be found and getting a chips funga is punishable by death!... to these people freedom is everything, politics is their club life, without alcohol or sex then the youth are left with nothing but to seek for political bickering.... because as we all know its all about pussy, pombe na wanawake...
So the Jasmine revolution was sparked, when you are on the net all day, without tasty chics to hit on and sleep with on facebook, or porn to watch; what is left but to remove some long standing politician from power...
Ladies and gentlemen I have found the key, if we want to remove Kibaki and Raila from power we should go the Arab way, Mututho is a prophet he saw it first... No alcohol, No sex, No porn, No miniskirts and hipstars.... then the youth of Kenya will rise just as they did in Cairo, Alexandria and Tunis.... because of poverty, disease, graft and an old guard that is clinging to power... AND most importantly because we would have nothing more fun to do.
So wiki was no help, they just said ".. journalists dubbed it the jasmine revolution", good thing now I know that I am just as uninformed as the average swimmer of the information super swimming pool, but one thing am pretty sure that the Tunisian 20-something-year-old in the streets, is homophobic enough to not shed blood and be branded Jasmine... but I digress (most abused phrase in the blogosphere).
There are things though we should learn from the Tunisians, Egyptians, Yemen(people? Yemenis? Yemenfolk?), Libyans and any other Arab people who will throw on their Jasmine Kanzus and dispose of their despots.
For one, I have some theories on why and how these revolutions are only occurring in the Arab countries. To put it in a word, LIBIDO. Picture this (men only to read the next few paragraphs), you live in a world where you can see no cleavage no ass and no thighs, where the law forbids a woman to show hair, (not in the good way, its not about waxing boys its about 'bui-buis'),porn is illegal and women have curtains for skirts and their fathers mustached faces as their face-book profile pictures.
Where porn is nowhere to be found and getting a chips funga is punishable by death!... to these people freedom is everything, politics is their club life, without alcohol or sex then the youth are left with nothing but to seek for political bickering.... because as we all know its all about pussy, pombe na wanawake...
So the Jasmine revolution was sparked, when you are on the net all day, without tasty chics to hit on and sleep with on facebook, or porn to watch; what is left but to remove some long standing politician from power...
Ladies and gentlemen I have found the key, if we want to remove Kibaki and Raila from power we should go the Arab way, Mututho is a prophet he saw it first... No alcohol, No sex, No porn, No miniskirts and hipstars.... then the youth of Kenya will rise just as they did in Cairo, Alexandria and Tunis.... because of poverty, disease, graft and an old guard that is clinging to power... AND most importantly because we would have nothing more fun to do.
Monday, January 3, 2011
BLOGGING
Kenyans, and non Kenyan people-things, how it do? So why is a raven like a writing desk (what I didn't read this book until a few days back)?
Anyway, apparently the other day I got my blog critiqued by a (pseudo?)celebrity, and I wasn't even present at the time. (Note here that the word critiqued might have been used to subtly mean "criticized" but that's just semantics). Apparently there are tactics used by people who can't write so that they can pull off and/or sound like interesting!
Now this comments struck a cord either because said commenter has been my personal idol; and I may or may not have cut away his Nation DN2 (poorest newspaper idea to make a "DN2" by the way) articles and made a mini scrap book, or because I am generally intrinsically self obsessed and can't take criticism.
These tactics include using lists; well come to think of it I have never seen a Carrol, Shaw or Poe list... but ummmmmm... (I will think up an excuse later after breakfast).
people who cant write usually tend to list out their blogs, to probably appeal to the not-so-smartsy clientele, this might explain the numerous number of lists that are found in the lowest rung of literature; self help groups.
Anyway, I have little to say and I had to finish this blog... so cheerio.
Anyway, apparently the other day I got my blog critiqued by a (pseudo?)celebrity, and I wasn't even present at the time. (Note here that the word critiqued might have been used to subtly mean "criticized" but that's just semantics). Apparently there are tactics used by people who can't write so that they can pull off and/or sound like interesting!
Now this comments struck a cord either because said commenter has been my personal idol; and I may or may not have cut away his Nation DN2 (poorest newspaper idea to make a "DN2" by the way) articles and made a mini scrap book, or because I am generally intrinsically self obsessed and can't take criticism.
These tactics include using lists; well come to think of it I have never seen a Carrol, Shaw or Poe list... but ummmmmm... (I will think up an excuse later after breakfast).
people who cant write usually tend to list out their blogs, to probably appeal to the not-so-smartsy clientele, this might explain the numerous number of lists that are found in the lowest rung of literature; self help groups.
Anyway, I have little to say and I had to finish this blog... so cheerio.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
15 DAYS ... WHY I AM NOT A CHRISTIAN ANY MORE
Good morning,
Now without alcohol, life draws sharply into focus; this my dear brethren is seeing life without beer goggles and for me its a completely nouveau feeeling for me.
Let me explain, I have always drunk... almost always, before drinking I was a teenager which is more or less the same thing, so I have never had a period in my life of adult unadulterated (funny how something being ADULTERATED is a bad thing... so being childerated should be good? but I digress) concerted self analysis.
Now that I have, I have realized some things, firstly that I have not lived up to the name of my blog so I need to remedy that... and here goes;
1. Logic; logic is the understanding of arguments, the balance of the human mind that distinguishes fallacies from truth.
So if I make an argument lets say that if I have two oranges and eat one I am left with three, the human mind can decipher through CRITICAL THINKING, that is a fallacy.
Therefore if I am told that there is a God who made the earth then split it up into water in the sky and some on the earth, then he fit all the 5 million species of terrestrial life in an ark 150m across... then killed everyone then made a rainbow, then made the only people who survived kill an animal because he liked the smell, then along the way he kills an entire Egyptian generation, including animals, and orders the genocide of the amelekite people, and sometime later sacrifices his own son to satisfy his own law (under which there is a then ritualistic cannibalism of drinking blood and eating "God's flesh")... I cannot in my mind through critical thinking substantiate that with "an ALL LOVING, ALL CARING, UNBIASED GOD".
2. Secondly is evidence. In law I know evidence is anything that tends to prove or disprove the existence or lack thereof of a material fact. So if we look for the evidence of the existence of a GOD or Gods; in a religious sense... not only is there overwhelming lack of evidence to prove any religious deity, but on the contrary there is a lot of evidence disproving said religious Gods.
Scientifically we have proved beyond any doubt that the earth is much older than most religions paint it to be.
The attributes that are painted of such God(s), are so in contrary with the material universe that we live in today that it takes some intellectual effort to accommodate these obvious contradictions.
We have no religion that shows evolution is the predominant mechanism of speciation, no religion that envisages a universe apart from our solar system, no traditional religion that paints the world built on a mechanism of quantum forces, no traditional religion that recognizes what we know as medical facts but instead chose blame psychiatric wrongs on spirits and demons.
3. The sheer number of religions paints a picture of what religion is. It is a cultural solution to a social problem created by insufficient knowledge. If any religion were a truth, any denomination divine, then why don't we have a single religion canvasing the world equally, why do we have Catholics in Italy and Confucians in China?
If truly there was a deity as depicted in religion to punish and to prevail respectively believers and non believers? Then why didn't Jesus grow up in India (wouldn't there be more Christians there?) why didn't Allah visit the South Africans?
There is a quote I love it says As an atheist I only believe in one less god than you, the reasons why you feel that Zeus and Poseidon do not exist are the same reasons I say Jehovah does NOT.
Those are just three reasons... I have hundreds... get back to me.
Plus don't drink and drive...
Ooh oooh... and I am selling 18 year old, scotch Johnny Walker Gold label.. halla!!!
Now without alcohol, life draws sharply into focus; this my dear brethren is seeing life without beer goggles and for me its a completely nouveau feeeling for me.
Let me explain, I have always drunk... almost always, before drinking I was a teenager which is more or less the same thing, so I have never had a period in my life of adult unadulterated (funny how something being ADULTERATED is a bad thing... so being childerated should be good? but I digress) concerted self analysis.
Now that I have, I have realized some things, firstly that I have not lived up to the name of my blog so I need to remedy that... and here goes;
1. Logic; logic is the understanding of arguments, the balance of the human mind that distinguishes fallacies from truth.
So if I make an argument lets say that if I have two oranges and eat one I am left with three, the human mind can decipher through CRITICAL THINKING, that is a fallacy.
Therefore if I am told that there is a God who made the earth then split it up into water in the sky and some on the earth, then he fit all the 5 million species of terrestrial life in an ark 150m across... then killed everyone then made a rainbow, then made the only people who survived kill an animal because he liked the smell, then along the way he kills an entire Egyptian generation, including animals, and orders the genocide of the amelekite people, and sometime later sacrifices his own son to satisfy his own law (under which there is a then ritualistic cannibalism of drinking blood and eating "God's flesh")... I cannot in my mind through critical thinking substantiate that with "an ALL LOVING, ALL CARING, UNBIASED GOD".
2. Secondly is evidence. In law I know evidence is anything that tends to prove or disprove the existence or lack thereof of a material fact. So if we look for the evidence of the existence of a GOD or Gods; in a religious sense... not only is there overwhelming lack of evidence to prove any religious deity, but on the contrary there is a lot of evidence disproving said religious Gods.
Scientifically we have proved beyond any doubt that the earth is much older than most religions paint it to be.
The attributes that are painted of such God(s), are so in contrary with the material universe that we live in today that it takes some intellectual effort to accommodate these obvious contradictions.
We have no religion that shows evolution is the predominant mechanism of speciation, no religion that envisages a universe apart from our solar system, no traditional religion that paints the world built on a mechanism of quantum forces, no traditional religion that recognizes what we know as medical facts but instead chose blame psychiatric wrongs on spirits and demons.
3. The sheer number of religions paints a picture of what religion is. It is a cultural solution to a social problem created by insufficient knowledge. If any religion were a truth, any denomination divine, then why don't we have a single religion canvasing the world equally, why do we have Catholics in Italy and Confucians in China?
If truly there was a deity as depicted in religion to punish and to prevail respectively believers and non believers? Then why didn't Jesus grow up in India (wouldn't there be more Christians there?) why didn't Allah visit the South Africans?
There is a quote I love it says As an atheist I only believe in one less god than you, the reasons why you feel that Zeus and Poseidon do not exist are the same reasons I say Jehovah does NOT.
Those are just three reasons... I have hundreds... get back to me.
Plus don't drink and drive...
Ooh oooh... and I am selling 18 year old, scotch Johnny Walker Gold label.. halla!!!
Friday, December 10, 2010
CHANGE
So I quit... Alcohol that is; the diesel that so runs the blogosphere. And for those who know me, they know I am good at this, I have done it so many times before kwani?
Thats not the only thing though, sometimes I have been accused of being a little of a trumpet without the trumpeter (sometimes making up my own quotes doesn't go so well),. Since people always tell me to walk the talk, I have decided to follow.
I will miss alcohol though, the cause of and solution to all of my problems. The biggest downside is how in God's green earth will I get laid? Have you people ever talked to woman? That is the most boring type of person you can ever have a conversation with, seriously!! Can't women just tell a good joke? Or a nice story? They have to make conversations about their friends, and their friends' hair, and their friends' boyfriends' hair, and even their friends' boyfriends' hair products!!!
Sheesh!! and since I have no benefit of the great panty remover!!! i.e ethanol (C2H50H)!! Now in order to get laid, I have to talk to girls... eeeish!!
Thats the bad part, the good part of quitting alcohol is ummmmm.... ummmmmm... I can remember this my mum explained it so vivdly yesterday...
Well the long and short of it is if i take just one more beer I will end up like uncle "Nani", who's kids we have to take care of because he is a washed up drunk.
NO seriously, I have decided to Ben Carson up my life, throw in a little Teetotallerishness, add a dash of library-going-ness and just a pinch of participation in class and I am apparently the next Mutula Kilonzo (my complete lack of legal acumen notwithstanding.. Kenya is immune to talent or lack thereof).
I have quit alcohol, I am going to learn to manage my money, I amgoing to invest, I am going to spend more time with my family.... I am going to put my shit in order...
And just as I finish this I wonder how any of this is any of you reader's business!!!
Thats not the only thing though, sometimes I have been accused of being a little of a trumpet without the trumpeter (sometimes making up my own quotes doesn't go so well),. Since people always tell me to walk the talk, I have decided to follow.
I will miss alcohol though, the cause of and solution to all of my problems. The biggest downside is how in God's green earth will I get laid? Have you people ever talked to woman? That is the most boring type of person you can ever have a conversation with, seriously!! Can't women just tell a good joke? Or a nice story? They have to make conversations about their friends, and their friends' hair, and their friends' boyfriends' hair, and even their friends' boyfriends' hair products!!!
Sheesh!! and since I have no benefit of the great panty remover!!! i.e ethanol (C2H50H)!! Now in order to get laid, I have to talk to girls... eeeish!!
Thats the bad part, the good part of quitting alcohol is ummmmm.... ummmmmm... I can remember this my mum explained it so vivdly yesterday...
Well the long and short of it is if i take just one more beer I will end up like uncle "Nani", who's kids we have to take care of because he is a washed up drunk.
NO seriously, I have decided to Ben Carson up my life, throw in a little Teetotallerishness, add a dash of library-going-ness and just a pinch of participation in class and I am apparently the next Mutula Kilonzo (my complete lack of legal acumen notwithstanding.. Kenya is immune to talent or lack thereof).
I have quit alcohol, I am going to learn to manage my money, I amgoing to invest, I am going to spend more time with my family.... I am going to put my shit in order...
And just as I finish this I wonder how any of this is any of you reader's business!!!
Monday, December 6, 2010
ADVERTISEMENT
So wise old "wahengas" told us that "Kibaya chajitembeza, kizuri chajiuza...", well those old mijikendas were probably shit faced on mnazi when they cooked up that little rhyme. Or maybe they were playing a practical joke on someone and it sort of caught on.
Because as a matter of fact in this life, in this generation, you have to show it to sell it.
So today I woke up and my mother tells me, I just read that Students from the Catholic University of East Africa (CUEA), had won the International Moot Court Competition, and I was obviously flabbergasted, CUEA??!!?? Well they should have a word for what i have, which is the undeterred belief that every private University in kenya is subordinate to the great daunting pool of superb geniosity that is UoN. Not to forget that in matters of Law, there is UoN, then there are those people who fail UoN, and then there are those people who work as subordinate staff... THEN there is other Universities.
Anyway I had to investigate the authority that my mother had so claimed (she being a product of USIU, we know which side of the armies she lies MUHAHAHAH!) it was in the DN December 6th 2010, and the article was there, awash with pictures of a pretty girl who was the representative of everything good about private education in this country... NOT.
In that same article in the final... smaller words... they do mention that the CUEA team didn't actually win, they were beaten at the quarter finals, and two of the semi finalists were two teams from University of... wait for it.... wait for it... grab a soda... wait for it.... Nairobi!!
So I am thinking, why did the CUEA chics get their pictures in the paper, could it be that one of their parents owns Nation (none of the kids looked like the Indian... Aga Khanish but that's besides the point); but however they got their articles in the paper they are one step ahead of their purportedly smarter UoN compatriots.
It teaches us a lot; whether you are prettier, do the make up, the short skirt and the fake hair; dudes is shallow. If you want that job, borrow that suit, make a CD of your CV, get a shave, cram a few big words, read the paper for that week... advertise.!!
Our world is built by advertisement, that's why we think Newton invented calculus, and Einstein discovered relativity; even that evolution was first thought up by Darwin... all of these are y the way not entirely true.
So take credit for someone else's work today, flaunt your little skills.!
Because as a matter of fact in this life, in this generation, you have to show it to sell it.
So today I woke up and my mother tells me, I just read that Students from the Catholic University of East Africa (CUEA), had won the International Moot Court Competition, and I was obviously flabbergasted, CUEA??!!?? Well they should have a word for what i have, which is the undeterred belief that every private University in kenya is subordinate to the great daunting pool of superb geniosity that is UoN. Not to forget that in matters of Law, there is UoN, then there are those people who fail UoN, and then there are those people who work as subordinate staff... THEN there is other Universities.
Anyway I had to investigate the authority that my mother had so claimed (she being a product of USIU, we know which side of the armies she lies MUHAHAHAH!) it was in the DN December 6th 2010, and the article was there, awash with pictures of a pretty girl who was the representative of everything good about private education in this country... NOT.
In that same article in the final... smaller words... they do mention that the CUEA team didn't actually win, they were beaten at the quarter finals, and two of the semi finalists were two teams from University of... wait for it.... wait for it... grab a soda... wait for it.... Nairobi!!
So I am thinking, why did the CUEA chics get their pictures in the paper, could it be that one of their parents owns Nation (none of the kids looked like the Indian... Aga Khanish but that's besides the point); but however they got their articles in the paper they are one step ahead of their purportedly smarter UoN compatriots.
It teaches us a lot; whether you are prettier, do the make up, the short skirt and the fake hair; dudes is shallow. If you want that job, borrow that suit, make a CD of your CV, get a shave, cram a few big words, read the paper for that week... advertise.!!
Our world is built by advertisement, that's why we think Newton invented calculus, and Einstein discovered relativity; even that evolution was first thought up by Darwin... all of these are y the way not entirely true.
So take credit for someone else's work today, flaunt your little skills.!
Monday, November 22, 2010
TRIBE (NOT THE HOTEL... CANT AFFORD THAT)
Good morning Kenya!!!
How have you all been? Its been a while I must say, been through a lot of shit-ass-crap but nimerudi with a vengeance.
So let me re-cap whats happened while I have been away;
1) Will-I-am got sacked, tensed up and went to see if the prefect wrote him in the all so naughty top ten noise makers list.
2)Obama got bruised battered and scorned by the tea party movement in this years mid terms (Sawa I know Kenyans dont know shit about politics west of Lake Victoria... but bear with me).. proving the infallible theory that there will always be more stupid people when you need something smart to be done.
3) Kenya is still getting fucked by several people; including university students crapping on each other because they come from different sides of the gorge!!
Now I had always planned my next blog to be somewhat on the lines that Christopher Nolan is God, and Leonardo DiCaprio is his disciple and Inception is his holy word but I found much more pressing an issue closer home.
Kenyans are tribal (I wrote a whole lot of obscenities and just back spaced... I did this too attract a wider audience like Churchhill and his clean comedy-)... Crappitty crap! It is a shame that with the passage of the constitution !ahem!cough!christians eat shit! !ahem !cough! some silly guy has to come all the way from pre-new-constitution era and flog us square in the face with some politikal phlegm!
Andy you are my new sworn enemy,you are either, Mr. Ligale, (former MP who therefore under this constitution canNOT sit in the IIBRC) a complete freaking retard who has no understanding of basic arithmetic and the voting system in this country where you have myopically considered that an ODM voter should be about the same as two voters of any other inclination... OR... you are just a tribalist who is playing into the machinations of whatever party wants to derail the new constitutional dispensation.
And I will let you understand Kenyan politics;
1) This is not a ploy by ODM to dominate Kenyan Politics in 2012.
2) Andrew Ligale is a bitch ass punk.
3) Andrew Ligale is a ... I said that already...
What I think is this, some really big people seek to punch holes in the armour of light by derailing the implementation of this constitution they throw pieces of meat at the rabid hungry MP's who have missed bickering bit for quite a while now.... so what happens now? We alm down.. GROW UP... and let the most competent arm of government, The Judiciary in case you didnt know... Handle all of this..
Now that I just ranted... From now on I can blog... and ranted isnt a word.
How have you all been? Its been a while I must say, been through a lot of shit-ass-crap but nimerudi with a vengeance.
So let me re-cap whats happened while I have been away;
1) Will-I-am got sacked, tensed up and went to see if the prefect wrote him in the all so naughty top ten noise makers list.
2)Obama got bruised battered and scorned by the tea party movement in this years mid terms (Sawa I know Kenyans dont know shit about politics west of Lake Victoria... but bear with me).. proving the infallible theory that there will always be more stupid people when you need something smart to be done.
3) Kenya is still getting fucked by several people; including university students crapping on each other because they come from different sides of the gorge!!
Now I had always planned my next blog to be somewhat on the lines that Christopher Nolan is God, and Leonardo DiCaprio is his disciple and Inception is his holy word but I found much more pressing an issue closer home.
Kenyans are tribal (I wrote a whole lot of obscenities and just back spaced... I did this too attract a wider audience like Churchhill and his clean comedy-)... Crappitty crap! It is a shame that with the passage of the constitution !ahem!cough!christians eat shit! !ahem !cough! some silly guy has to come all the way from pre-new-constitution era and flog us square in the face with some politikal phlegm!
Andy you are my new sworn enemy,you are either, Mr. Ligale, (former MP who therefore under this constitution canNOT sit in the IIBRC) a complete freaking retard who has no understanding of basic arithmetic and the voting system in this country where you have myopically considered that an ODM voter should be about the same as two voters of any other inclination... OR... you are just a tribalist who is playing into the machinations of whatever party wants to derail the new constitutional dispensation.
And I will let you understand Kenyan politics;
1) This is not a ploy by ODM to dominate Kenyan Politics in 2012.
2) Andrew Ligale is a bitch ass punk.
3) Andrew Ligale is a ... I said that already...
What I think is this, some really big people seek to punch holes in the armour of light by derailing the implementation of this constitution they throw pieces of meat at the rabid hungry MP's who have missed bickering bit for quite a while now.... so what happens now? We alm down.. GROW UP... and let the most competent arm of government, The Judiciary in case you didnt know... Handle all of this..
Now that I just ranted... From now on I can blog... and ranted isnt a word.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
WEALTH
"Never start an article with a quote.." that is a fundamental rule of journalism, (if you did not just get that irony STOP reading my blog now), but I will start with this famous quote, "The world is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel.." and this wasn't found in some Shakespearean dialogue, or popular Churchill speech; this was actually in one of those 100 bob posters u buy kwa jam pale Uhuru highway,we have probably had it in our sitting room ever since I could write my name on the wall with my own poop.
Today's sermon all yea faithful is about money and wealth and prosperity. Hearken my word, listen for the gospel according to modern day "church"... Verily verily I say unto thee not one poor person shall enter the kingdom of heaven!! Hearken, for was it not said that the Lord your God loves the rich... for when the poor man came to Jesus and asked "I have obeyed all the commandments, how will I enter the Kingdom" Jesus responded "send M-pesa to Pastor Ng'ang'a/Wanjiru/ (insert relevant Kikuyu pastor here... if pastor is not Kikuyu make sure they are wearing necesarily flamboyant ill fitting suits) and in return the Lord will bless you with wealth!! Then and only then... Jesus said... will you enter the Kingdom of heaven.
Many people have been misled these days, I ask you, was Jesus poor? Did he hang around poor people? Did he have to borrow a donkey to get into Jerusalem? Did he have to stay in other people's homes. NO! He has wealth and money and he rode in Pajeros and Toyota Land cruiser's for the Lord your God doesn't like potholes.! Haven't his apostles Margaret Wanjiru, Dr. Lai and the honorable Bro. Pattni not taught you anything? Live like them!! For they are true Christians, in their Karen homes and having enough money to lubricate there way into parliament, for it is only Jesus' plan for them to be obscenely wealthy off the sinners that flock their churches!!
And take no heed of the poor, when you see them on your well adorned pews, blocking the prime time TV cameras broadcasting Jesus message of wealth; admonish them!!! God doesn't like the poor, haven't you read the story of Lazarus and the Rich man, "your father in heaven did not mean you to be poor"(this is actually from my local friend Ciku... No beef :)...)
So what all of you should do, in faith, send your miracle seed to this number 0718214047 and me, Margaret Wanjiru, Dr. Lai, Pastor Nganga, Pat Robertson, That guy who smiles a lot on Family TV with a stadium full of people and rarely quotes the bible... plus the other 6 apostles will bless you with heavenly olive oil and wealth and heaven will follow you.
On a serious note, how can we sit by and watch as people fraudulently live of the sweat, blood and tears of a the weakest in our society. What is the difference between all these pentecostal prophets and a common conman. Does holding a Bible in one hand justify larceny, blackmail and fraud? When they win the hearts of our people through manipulation of faith and ignorance. When a blinded worshiper gives away her son's supper to the cause so projected by these Apostles and Doctor's of theology where are we?
Have we no moral obligation... no societal duty to prevent a rape of the masses? They dangle carrots of hope in the faces of the most down trodden of civilians, and kill them slowly, like intestinal parasites... sucking them of blood and life in utter selfishness. I do not know what we can do if anything... If you do please tell me.
Oh and just a little tit bit; When I typed Pastor "Lai" the computer auto corrected it to Pastor Lie... Have a fruitful day cheers!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
The best of times... The worst of times
It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. It was the age of wisdom, the age of foolishness…
That, to all of you half baked products of 8-4-4=0 academia, comes from Charles Dickens’s Magnum Opus; A Tale of two cities. As some of my more faithful fans would have noted, I am going through a very “intellectual” phase. Now my desktop is littered with Weber, Engel, Freud and Darwin. I have felt a sudden almost instinctive desire for classical literature, also an almost adolescent adoration for the 20th century leaders whose image is a fashion more of history’s flattering pen rather than accurate personage.
Indeed I am in no way different from the greater number of youth that so litter the intellectual desert that is Kenya. We both devour art with the same ravish hunger, for me it might be Bernard Shaw and Edgar Allan Poe vis-à-vis their Will-I-ams and Noninis. As I delve into early 20th Century Communist thought and brash Orwellian skepticism they are enthralled by the cosmetics of Tyra Banks and the indeed deep messages apparent in the lyrics of Kleptomaniax and Wahu.
We are of the same thread you and I, as we talk, argue and discuss. I do not feel at all empty when I cannot see sense in your elementary understanding of Religion/anti-religion. I do not feel a tinge of pity for you if you do not understand the climate of a post cold-war American policy, indeed I laugh with you as you see abortion as a devillian western propaganda against the Holy Church. We relish homophobia and astute populist economic doctrines that will not work in a country that is probably in the 20 poorest countries in the world by natural resources.
Now to matters that majority of my readers will understand; I am falling in love… Yes finally the years of watching Sandra Bullock movies and listening to Kiss fm have caught up with me. I think it was one moment… truly magical in its romance, ephemeral and eternal in its simplicity… we were talking and I told her I was reading Marx, and she said she liked Marx but felt Engel had too radicalized his ideas! I knew I was no longer alone... I found her. The stuff of fantasies. Looking forward to an orgasm of ideas… Cheerio!!
READ THIS WEEKEND
That, to all of you half baked products of 8-4-4=0 academia, comes from Charles Dickens’s Magnum Opus; A Tale of two cities. As some of my more faithful fans would have noted, I am going through a very “intellectual” phase. Now my desktop is littered with Weber, Engel, Freud and Darwin. I have felt a sudden almost instinctive desire for classical literature, also an almost adolescent adoration for the 20th century leaders whose image is a fashion more of history’s flattering pen rather than accurate personage.
Indeed I am in no way different from the greater number of youth that so litter the intellectual desert that is Kenya. We both devour art with the same ravish hunger, for me it might be Bernard Shaw and Edgar Allan Poe vis-à-vis their Will-I-ams and Noninis. As I delve into early 20th Century Communist thought and brash Orwellian skepticism they are enthralled by the cosmetics of Tyra Banks and the indeed deep messages apparent in the lyrics of Kleptomaniax and Wahu.
We are of the same thread you and I, as we talk, argue and discuss. I do not feel at all empty when I cannot see sense in your elementary understanding of Religion/anti-religion. I do not feel a tinge of pity for you if you do not understand the climate of a post cold-war American policy, indeed I laugh with you as you see abortion as a devillian western propaganda against the Holy Church. We relish homophobia and astute populist economic doctrines that will not work in a country that is probably in the 20 poorest countries in the world by natural resources.
Now to matters that majority of my readers will understand; I am falling in love… Yes finally the years of watching Sandra Bullock movies and listening to Kiss fm have caught up with me. I think it was one moment… truly magical in its romance, ephemeral and eternal in its simplicity… we were talking and I told her I was reading Marx, and she said she liked Marx but felt Engel had too radicalized his ideas! I knew I was no longer alone... I found her. The stuff of fantasies. Looking forward to an orgasm of ideas… Cheerio!!
READ THIS WEEKEND
Thursday, July 15, 2010
RESPONSIBILITY
So I haven't been writing blogs for a while, sorry to all my fans (yes all three of you counting my mum!!), but I have been rather busy... well that's not true... I have been in all honesty very bored; and it has taken a momentous bitch slap to wake me.
Today, as some of you who have some semblance of general knowledge would know, is Nelson Mandela's birthday. He lived in a generation of great people, the likes of Oliver Tambo and Desmond Tutu. People who sacrificed everything for a greater cause, who's wounds and scars litter the conscience of humanity. These are people who resurrected the hope in humanity that we sometimes feel is dimming. These people do one great other thing... They mock us.
Hector Peterson was a twelve year old boy, who embodied the plight of black South Africa during the apartheid regime. A black and white photo of him covered newspaper pages when he carried the dead body of his younger brother across the streets of Soweto; his brother had been shot through the head by the police.
With such people having walked this African soil before us... heroes and servants to the plight of their brethren. What do the youth in Kenya do? What do we dream of... what do we want? When we walk the halls of colleges in this country, we hear not the voices of people striving to cultivate a new freedom. We do not see leaders who have settled within themselves a duty to save our country. They do their bachelors and buy their vitz's, taking coffee at java and reveling the pretty suburbs of an upper class urbanite. They take no heed of the dying child in Samburu, no heed of the millions of Kenyans who he doesn't see through his tint windows. She pays more for a pedicure than a family in Bondo spends on a week's supply of food. He pays more for cuff-links than the money a woman fails to get and dies at childbirth.
Kenya is killing itself, because this generation is a cold heartless mass of people dreaming of big jobs and big cars after reading Think Big by Dr. Ben Carson, and "The Secret". We buy more inspirational and wealth building books, and too few Chronicles of true humanity.We have forgotten that there is death and pain in this country. We have forgotten empathy... we have forgotten that we have a duty to all the people who cannot sit one day and read a blog because they have to walk miles everyday for a drink of water.
Let us not Forget... RESPONSIBILITY
Today, as some of you who have some semblance of general knowledge would know, is Nelson Mandela's birthday. He lived in a generation of great people, the likes of Oliver Tambo and Desmond Tutu. People who sacrificed everything for a greater cause, who's wounds and scars litter the conscience of humanity. These are people who resurrected the hope in humanity that we sometimes feel is dimming. These people do one great other thing... They mock us.
Hector Peterson was a twelve year old boy, who embodied the plight of black South Africa during the apartheid regime. A black and white photo of him covered newspaper pages when he carried the dead body of his younger brother across the streets of Soweto; his brother had been shot through the head by the police.
With such people having walked this African soil before us... heroes and servants to the plight of their brethren. What do the youth in Kenya do? What do we dream of... what do we want? When we walk the halls of colleges in this country, we hear not the voices of people striving to cultivate a new freedom. We do not see leaders who have settled within themselves a duty to save our country. They do their bachelors and buy their vitz's, taking coffee at java and reveling the pretty suburbs of an upper class urbanite. They take no heed of the dying child in Samburu, no heed of the millions of Kenyans who he doesn't see through his tint windows. She pays more for a pedicure than a family in Bondo spends on a week's supply of food. He pays more for cuff-links than the money a woman fails to get and dies at childbirth.
Kenya is killing itself, because this generation is a cold heartless mass of people dreaming of big jobs and big cars after reading Think Big by Dr. Ben Carson, and "The Secret". We buy more inspirational and wealth building books, and too few Chronicles of true humanity.We have forgotten that there is death and pain in this country. We have forgotten empathy... we have forgotten that we have a duty to all the people who cannot sit one day and read a blog because they have to walk miles everyday for a drink of water.
Let us not Forget... RESPONSIBILITY
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
21 RULES FOR RESPONSIBLE DRINKING
I have been missing for a while, I had a lot of business to attend to; including sharing the contents of my bowels with the toilet bowl repeatedly on Saturday. I had one of those make-you-quit-drinking hangovers. This hangover, however i blame on one person, the Anti-Christ, Devil Incarnate, Beelzebul, claw armed, green-eyed monster of a man; Luis Suarez. Who dashed the hopes of an African Nation by playing goalkeeper during the Uruguay Ghana game, and wistfully claiming himself the "real hand of God"!! But I digress.
Here are my handy tips for responsible drinking that will soon be out in a self titled oral DVD for only Kshs. 1,999.99!!
1. Do NOT quit drinking!
No i am not being sarcastic (which If I was this statement would be really sarcastic). Like Homer Simpson put it, the first step to failure is trying! A philosophy to live by, and in that sense trying to quit is one of the proverbial steps forward that will be followed by two steps back and a systematic dive into the blissful pool of the three mistresses, Beer, whiskey and Vodka.
In my astute, practical study of alcohol enjoyment, I have learnt that there are levels of drinking, like beginner, armature, accomplished, hardcore, guzzler e.t.c
To graduate from one level to another you need to do the following;
a) Get really really drunk on cheap/free alcohol.
b) Do something you will really regret, like make out/sleep with an ugly chic.
c) Black out.
d) and this is the most important; DECLARE THAT YOU WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN.
e) 4 weeks later you get back to drinking after you fail a CAT, or miss a promotion, or get dissed e.t.c
(NOTE; the above process has been scientifically proven using nanotechnology and the space time continuum relativity.)
2. Do NOT go out drinking with HOT GIRLS.
Yes true that. This rule needs little explanation... You will drink first to get the confidence to hit on her/them. Then whenever they take a shot you will take two to impress them. Then when they leave your college behind to go hang with some rich guy in VIP, you will get wasted to cure your pity.
Yes men, if you go out drinking with hot chics, stay sober and GET THEM DRUNK.
3. Do NOT go out drinking with UGLY GIRLS.
This is not just here to make the list look funny. See if you go out drinking with ugly chics, you will get drunk super fast, because every time you look up you will see what a loser you are in your friends faces!
Then you will get so drunk you will actually sleep with one of your ugly friends... THEN... see rule No. 1.
4. Do NOT write a blog.
Serious evidence suggests that people who write blogs drink way too much, and spend all their salary before the fifteenth of every month and in the process have their moms ban them from taking their own salaries.
They also have the tenacity too see monies beyond their wallets (these bloggers dang!) and will end up calling up to 6 people and "treating" them only to end up Talking to the bar tender for forty five minutes before being rushed in a back room and stuffed full of fists and going home to explain what happened to his watch and shoes.!
NB. This is stuff a certain "study" that did not involve this particular blogger concluded the above is tried and true.
5. Do NOT support Arsenal.
As a Manchester united fan, I really do empathize. Like all African football fans we got a semblance of what such idiots go through when Ghana lost to Luis Suarez's "Hand of the Devil."
Such people walk through the grizzly fires of hell every time such walking calamities like Mikael Silvestre and Niklas Bendtner get within 5m of the football in actual play.
If you care anything about your liver and/or your sperm count; DO NOT support Arsenal FC, If the stress doesn't kill you, the binge drinking that follows every arsenal BIG game will!
Here are my handy tips for responsible drinking that will soon be out in a self titled oral DVD for only Kshs. 1,999.99!!
1. Do NOT quit drinking!
No i am not being sarcastic (which If I was this statement would be really sarcastic). Like Homer Simpson put it, the first step to failure is trying! A philosophy to live by, and in that sense trying to quit is one of the proverbial steps forward that will be followed by two steps back and a systematic dive into the blissful pool of the three mistresses, Beer, whiskey and Vodka.
In my astute, practical study of alcohol enjoyment, I have learnt that there are levels of drinking, like beginner, armature, accomplished, hardcore, guzzler e.t.c
To graduate from one level to another you need to do the following;
a) Get really really drunk on cheap/free alcohol.
b) Do something you will really regret, like make out/sleep with an ugly chic.
c) Black out.
d) and this is the most important; DECLARE THAT YOU WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN.
e) 4 weeks later you get back to drinking after you fail a CAT, or miss a promotion, or get dissed e.t.c
(NOTE; the above process has been scientifically proven using nanotechnology and the space time continuum relativity.)
2. Do NOT go out drinking with HOT GIRLS.
Yes true that. This rule needs little explanation... You will drink first to get the confidence to hit on her/them. Then whenever they take a shot you will take two to impress them. Then when they leave your college behind to go hang with some rich guy in VIP, you will get wasted to cure your pity.
Yes men, if you go out drinking with hot chics, stay sober and GET THEM DRUNK.
3. Do NOT go out drinking with UGLY GIRLS.
This is not just here to make the list look funny. See if you go out drinking with ugly chics, you will get drunk super fast, because every time you look up you will see what a loser you are in your friends faces!
Then you will get so drunk you will actually sleep with one of your ugly friends... THEN... see rule No. 1.
4. Do NOT write a blog.
Serious evidence suggests that people who write blogs drink way too much, and spend all their salary before the fifteenth of every month and in the process have their moms ban them from taking their own salaries.
They also have the tenacity too see monies beyond their wallets (these bloggers dang!) and will end up calling up to 6 people and "treating" them only to end up Talking to the bar tender for forty five minutes before being rushed in a back room and stuffed full of fists and going home to explain what happened to his watch and shoes.!
NB. This is stuff a certain "study" that did not involve this particular blogger concluded the above is tried and true.
5. Do NOT support Arsenal.
As a Manchester united fan, I really do empathize. Like all African football fans we got a semblance of what such idiots go through when Ghana lost to Luis Suarez's "Hand of the Devil."
Such people walk through the grizzly fires of hell every time such walking calamities like Mikael Silvestre and Niklas Bendtner get within 5m of the football in actual play.
If you care anything about your liver and/or your sperm count; DO NOT support Arsenal FC, If the stress doesn't kill you, the binge drinking that follows every arsenal BIG game will!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
The Proposed Draft Constitution Of Kenya
Good Morning People,
Today I have an interesting topic. The constitution, and just so you know I am VERY biased, I am so on the "YES" side that I can barely see the very convincing arguments made by the intellectuals that abide the NO campaigns like Dr. Hon. Margaret Wanjiru (who has a PhD in ummm... ummm), Dr. Past. Wilfred Lai, Dr. Past. Ng'ang'a; and all these learned people who have such great understanding of the Law and political demographics that cultures our country.
I will also NOT listen to the concerned voices of the great patriots hailing "NO" including our Beloved Former President, who did a lot more in disseminating a new constitution than any other historical figure since Moses on Mt. Sinai, or that great figure of peace and progress Hon. William Ruto who has done nothing but ensure we as a country know the important details of how to manipulate the grain black market so that Kenyans can take advantage of the upcoming EAC protocol.
Because I am so closed minded and hypocritical i chose to listen to those bastards at the KNHRC who we all know just sit all day chastising our prodigious Police Force and paramilitary every time they try to restore peace by getting rid of people who "rattle the snake". I cant help my feeble mind from listening to the dogma of such selfish persons as Prof. Wangari Maathai, the Nobel laureate, she just cares about trees, or the esteemed Constitutional Lawyer PLO Lumumba.
Yes, we the Yes people have been clouded by the adulation of our leaders we canNOT think straight, we are misinterpreting the law to favor our whims.
I dont know why we cant see that Muslims want to take over this country, and introducing (YES introducing, the khadhis courts that are there in section 67 of the current constitution and cap 66 of the laws of Kenya, and sections of cap 8, The Judicature Act DONT COUNT... why? COS they SAID SO) Khadhis court will lead to Islamic rule and Osama will be declared a Kenyan Hero and women will be forced to wear bui buis and our hands will be cut off e.t.c
I also don't know why we cant see that because of this new constitution, overnight all Kenyan women will murder their babies, because ALL medical practitioners aside from people with Masters in Obstetrics Gynecology do not have the capacity to save a woman's life, and indeed any woman who gets pregnant when raped should have used a condom. We all know that as it is, all those women in Turkana and Marsabit dont suffer such complications and that we should give that authority to Gynos because the present number of about 200 can very well serve the whole pregnant population in Kenya.
Being a "YES" person is admittedly stupid, how can we sit back and see our government make quotas on how much land an individual should own, its preposterous!! Imagine what if The Kenyatta family did not own land the size of Nyanza province in fertile regions of this country while 5 million people live as squatters then where would this country be??? We should be ashamed of ourselves!! Those landless people are landless because its their fault, and the Kenyattas earned their land. Even the laws that idle land should be taxed isn't healthy, so what if there are millions of kenyans who are food insecure,? So what if we are an independent Nation dependent on other countries to feed ourselves?
I do not think there is a reason for ANYONE to vote YES for this constitution, we will descend into tribal war due to majimbo, then when we are dead our funerals will be overseen by filthy muslim Khadhis, then we will abort our children and then they will DIE! then when we are all DEAD we will realize that we should have voted NO.
Even with such overwhelming evidence some of us will still vote yes, and since today is friday I will raise my glass of Tusker to the YES voters!!
Today I have an interesting topic. The constitution, and just so you know I am VERY biased, I am so on the "YES" side that I can barely see the very convincing arguments made by the intellectuals that abide the NO campaigns like Dr. Hon. Margaret Wanjiru (who has a PhD in ummm... ummm), Dr. Past. Wilfred Lai, Dr. Past. Ng'ang'a; and all these learned people who have such great understanding of the Law and political demographics that cultures our country.
I will also NOT listen to the concerned voices of the great patriots hailing "NO" including our Beloved Former President, who did a lot more in disseminating a new constitution than any other historical figure since Moses on Mt. Sinai, or that great figure of peace and progress Hon. William Ruto who has done nothing but ensure we as a country know the important details of how to manipulate the grain black market so that Kenyans can take advantage of the upcoming EAC protocol.
Because I am so closed minded and hypocritical i chose to listen to those bastards at the KNHRC who we all know just sit all day chastising our prodigious Police Force and paramilitary every time they try to restore peace by getting rid of people who "rattle the snake". I cant help my feeble mind from listening to the dogma of such selfish persons as Prof. Wangari Maathai, the Nobel laureate, she just cares about trees, or the esteemed Constitutional Lawyer PLO Lumumba.
Yes, we the Yes people have been clouded by the adulation of our leaders we canNOT think straight, we are misinterpreting the law to favor our whims.
I dont know why we cant see that Muslims want to take over this country, and introducing (YES introducing, the khadhis courts that are there in section 67 of the current constitution and cap 66 of the laws of Kenya, and sections of cap 8, The Judicature Act DONT COUNT... why? COS they SAID SO) Khadhis court will lead to Islamic rule and Osama will be declared a Kenyan Hero and women will be forced to wear bui buis and our hands will be cut off e.t.c
I also don't know why we cant see that because of this new constitution, overnight all Kenyan women will murder their babies, because ALL medical practitioners aside from people with Masters in Obstetrics Gynecology do not have the capacity to save a woman's life, and indeed any woman who gets pregnant when raped should have used a condom. We all know that as it is, all those women in Turkana and Marsabit dont suffer such complications and that we should give that authority to Gynos because the present number of about 200 can very well serve the whole pregnant population in Kenya.
Being a "YES" person is admittedly stupid, how can we sit back and see our government make quotas on how much land an individual should own, its preposterous!! Imagine what if The Kenyatta family did not own land the size of Nyanza province in fertile regions of this country while 5 million people live as squatters then where would this country be??? We should be ashamed of ourselves!! Those landless people are landless because its their fault, and the Kenyattas earned their land. Even the laws that idle land should be taxed isn't healthy, so what if there are millions of kenyans who are food insecure,? So what if we are an independent Nation dependent on other countries to feed ourselves?
I do not think there is a reason for ANYONE to vote YES for this constitution, we will descend into tribal war due to majimbo, then when we are dead our funerals will be overseen by filthy muslim Khadhis, then we will abort our children and then they will DIE! then when we are all DEAD we will realize that we should have voted NO.
Even with such overwhelming evidence some of us will still vote yes, and since today is friday I will raise my glass of Tusker to the YES voters!!
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