THE RELIGION OF FOOTBALL

Most, if not all atheists at one point or another have heard the phrase "you have to believe in something"; and dismissed this as an ignorant statement devoid of any truth. I can say I have been guilty of the same several times; and it was only recently that an innocuous statement by a more-than-tipsy friend of mine led me to rethink this position.

My friend and I were as per ritual, witnessing the serial disappointment that is post Ferguson Manchester United, (bear with me non football fans the references don't get too footbally); and he pointed out that when the fans sing "Glory Glory Man UNIIITED!!!!", he felt exactly as he did as a child in church during the more passionate praise and worship sessions. Although I believe his intention was to remind me that he had actually been to Old Trafford, the hallowed home of our beloved Manchester United, the parallels still stuck.

As I sat to think about it, the similarities grew stark. This delusional following of some foreign system brought upon us by some colonialists; which we have taken, maybe with more fervor than the originators themselves. This description fits both the Church and the English premier league.

So is there a need, somewhere deep in human psychology to believe in something? Am I, a self declared rationalist basically fulfilling my deep religious need through football? Have I made my God football? My religion Manchester United? My messiah Sir Alex Ferguson?

Manchester United has millions of followers around the world, some more fanatic than others. Some who would kill themselves and others in the name of Manchester United (true story). We have anthems that are sung as hymns across the world, people who cry and laugh and get married under United colors. We revere our saints; as they revere St. Paul so do we remember George Best. The league history is our Bible, with a new (EPL) and old testaments.

Like all religions we look up at recently prominent sects as being less genuine, as the Catholics and Anglicans look upon the charismatic 'modern' Christian sects as ingenuous, so do we look down on the Chelsea's and Manchester City's as being plastic, and lacking true followers.

We maintain delusions like all religious people, and like all religions we have the more delusional than others. As the more cultist Christians believe the world is perennially about to end so do the more delusional Liverpool fans believe they will win the league next year.

Just as religions with major faults whose followers seem too overlook, so it is with we football fans. As Christians will gloss over some Father raping young boys or some 'televangelist' exploiting the very poor, so do we look over the faults of our leaders. Did he bite another man in the neck? Naaaah. Did he call his fellow professional a dirty, black cunt? It was a one time thing. Did you bribe top officials for the opportunity to host a World Cup to enrich a small clique of people? Well football has blessed him (see what I did there?).

The similarities go on and on and on. I concluded that football is a religion;

1. It is an irrational set of beliefs, (my club is better than yours, is the bestest ever),

2.Supported by a large number of people, mostly from poorer backgrounds,

3.Very few people get very wealthy off it while the majority spend a larger part of their income and believe more than the elite,

4.There are extremists who cause violence and mayhem based on what is in theory a uniting and loving endeavor,

5.There is a heavy use of symbols, congregation, camaraderie, music and idol worship to create allegiance,

6.Switching clubs/religions, even where valid reasons are available is considered the height of treachery.

Football definitely is a religion; so i will choose to mutilate a Marx quote as my conclusion,

"every man must believe in something, I believe Manchester United will win the league next season!"